Mary Loveann Stansberry (Covil)

“‘The Lord is My Light’ was her favorite hymnal and she hummed the tune all the time. She too, was the ‘light’ to her family, and her ‘light’ will continue to shine [in] our hearts, forever . . .” - homegoing booklet for Mary Loveann Stansberry (2013)

The first thing that comes to mind when I think about my grandma is how she made me feel. 

Absolutely and infinitely loveable. 

A love matched only by my mom. I didn’t have to do anything for my grandma to love me, the simple fact that I existed during her lifetime was reason enough for her to shower me with affection and kisses that would often stain my whole face with red lipstick. 

In my eyes my grandma was a force to be reckoned with. She was a substitute teacher in Baltimore County public schools up until her 50s, an amazing cook and homemaker to four kids, and was very respected by people in the community. She seemed to do everything perfectly and expected that of everyone in her life, and was very harsh with people who didn’t meet her standards (e.g. the waiter at Friendly’s messing up our order). 

As a teacher, my grandma was one of many adults in my life who fervently encouraged me to read, and read to me at a very young age, almost as if my life depended on it. During my grandma's reading sessions I vividly remember her always whispering in my ear her 3 rules for life:

1. “Get your education

2. Get your money

3. And stay away from the men.”

   (I can say I’ve managed to stick to at least one of these rules . . .)

She would give me and my siblings books and activity sheets one weekend and expect them to be completed the next, or risk being scolded and not getting a dollar. 

If I had only one wish, I would use it to bring my grandma back in good health so I could interview her and hear about her life, what she liked to cook, what made her laugh and roll her eyes, and what were her dreams, in her own words. 

For now, I’m trying to piece together what I can about her from my family. So this profile will be updated as I get more information. 

Pictured: Me, grandma, and my little brother Mario.

Right before quarantine (March 8th, 2020) I interviewed my dad about his mom (my grandma). I probably should’ve recorded the conversation but had chosen to only transcribe. Either way I had to edit some of this for clarity. For example, my dad tends to switch between calling his parents by their name and their nicknames (grandpa, pop pop, grandma, etc.), so I just used their names throughout so it doesn’t get too confusing.

Do you know where she grew up?

North Carolina. Born in Scranton [July 20th, 1930] but possibly grew up in Beaufort County.

How many siblings did she have and who were her parents?

She had one sister Julie (Ferguson) who was much more fair skinned, she was considered the nice sister and your grandma was the mean, protective, defensive sister. She was raised by her grandmother in North Carolina, her mother was a single mom for the most part. Mary knew who her father was but never met him. Her mom, Sudie (Slade), was a tough person, and she moved to north of Virginia, Portsmouth, and lived and worked without her children. Sudie would send money to Mary’s grandmother, who was really sweet and one of the women who taught Mary how to cook.

Pictured: Mary center in the striped top with her children (my Uncle Bootsie [Nathaniel III] is hiding behind my Uncle Hiawatha whose arms are folded, my dad Mark and Aunt Natalie are the squirming kids), her Aunt Loveann and Uncle Otis standing together, her Uncle Joe in the back, and Sudie.in the blue dress.

Do you know why she moved to Maryland?

Once Mary finished high school, she moved to Virginia with her mom Sudie, to move to the city. Sudie was good friends with Nathaniel (my grandpa) and eventually Mary and him started dating. They got married on February 14th 1950, and looking for better work they moved to Maryland sometime that same year. Uncle Boosey was born in June 1950.

SIDEBAR: Nathaniel’s dad had several acres of land in Mississippi, and Nathaniel had 4 brothers and a sister, and was the baby of the family. When his brothers got old enough they left the farm to join the military (1940s) and their father had to sell the land to become a sharecropper.

The first year they got to Maryland, they lived in a boarding house, and your Uncle Boosey slept in one of the dresser drawers. Nathaniel worked as a dishwasher in a restaurant, then got a job at Martin-Marietta where he worked for about 10 yrs, until Natalie was born. Then he got the job at General Motors. He was certified as a carpenter and masoner, doing brickwork. They lived on Poplar Grove Street in Baltimore City from the mid-1950s until 1975 when they moved to the county in a neighborhood called Woodlawn. Woodlawn was all woods and had all new houses. At the time it was just the Stansberrys and Dorothy (a family friend) living in the neighborhood.

Mary worked at an Italian restaurant called Bonnies where she learned how to cook in that style, and she worked there a long time before I was born, maybe 1950-60. She worked there until Natalie was born when she became a homekeeper. She worked at Montgomery Ward for a short time too, but became a substitute teacher when I entered kindergarten. She became the go-to substitute teacher in the school county.

Pictured: Mary with Boosey, Hiawatha, and Nathaniel.

How would you describe her personality?

Very introverted. She had a lot of hang-ups about expressing herself. When it came to her temperament, she’s the type to be fuming mad, but if she wants to do something good for you, she’ll do it despite how you’ve wronged her. Her desire to do good outweighed her anger. She's going to do what she wants to no matter what. She was very loving to her children and grandchildren, but for most people she wouldn’t let you see her emotions.

When she had Alzheimers, and around the time it had really advanced, your mother noticed Mary would have these verbal flashbacks of the boarding house she lived in as a kid, and we think somebody may have abused her at some point. She would say things about the boarding house out of nowhere. And throughout her life, she really didn’t trust men and could be a very cold person.

How would you describe her style of food and cooking?

. . . Very textbook? When she made something and she made it right every time. Consistent in her skills and meals. Very much about making a meal right, everything is hot at the same time. Not perfection, but consistency. Wanted it to be good.

Mary’s food was Southern influenced but more Americana type food. She cooked things that were a bit more mainstream than the typical Southern/Country food. Fried chicken, ham, collard greens. Simple, nothing too complicated and could be executed perfectly. She never messed anything up.

When The Stansberrys first moved to Woodlawn, if there were 15 people or so, she knew exactly what to do to prepare and organize a meal. People would come to visit as a surprise and she could have a spread ready in a matter of minutes. Her grandma taught her how to cook, and her Aunt Helen (Sudie’s uncle’s wife). Everything Mary cooked well, her Uncle Joe and Aunt Helen could cook ten times better.

Her Aunt Helen was an excellent host, she often had Mahalia Jackson in the background on the radio. She’d get up at 4 or 5 in the morning and start cooking. Breakfast meals at their house would include sausage, eggs, biscuits, ham slices, waffles, grits, cream of wheat. Helen could create a spread. Mary got all of that from Helen and her grandma.

Pictured: Mary and Nathaniel.

What is your earliest food memory with your mom?

Thanksgiving dinner on Poplar Grove Street. Turkey, collards, potato salad, stuffing, rolls, maybe a ham. Mashed potatoes from the box, instant.

What is a dish that your mom made that you felt was really amazing, and made you feel happy?

Chili, which is the ultimate comfort food. She’d use McCormick seasoning chili packet, kidney beans, ground beef, tomato sauce, tomato paste, diced tomatoes, large dice onions. Serve it with Ritz crackers. She kept recipes simple and consistent. Also dinner at the Stansberry house on Sunday. Roast beef, cornish hens, wild rice. You were forced to deal with everyone at the dinner table, and Sunday was a reason to find a way to deal with stuff.

What’s a dish your mom made that you think was important to your family?

Sweet potato pie. It was key to the holidays, and they weren’t complete if sweet potato pie wasn’t there. She had the recipes on lock-down and was consistent on everything for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Sweet potato pie was a bit more personal, she didn’t measure anything.

Pictured: From left Natalie, Mary, Hiawatha, and Boosey.